Wednesday, November 5, 2014

How To Piss Off Your Clients And Ruin Your Business

Today I am being extorted by a psychic for ~$30. It's been a weird week.

Bridal Party became zombies after the ceremony.

Let me back up. I got married last month. We did a fun Halloween wedding where everyone dressed up, drank a ton, and danced the night away. We had a lot of Halloween themed things to do ranging from trick or treat stations to a psychic who would read your palm to see into your future.

Obligatory Zombie Thriller Dance

Everyone had a great time. The DJ had the dance floor moving all night, the food was fantastic, and everything looked amazing. Wedding was perfect and my wife and I were super happy. We tipped everyone involved handsomely and went into our post-wedding lives. About a month later, I get a string of poorly written text messages sent to my private cell phone number from our wedding psychic saying that I owed her an additional $100 for her staying until 1am. Which was interesting to me, since our wedding ended at midnight and my new wife and I were in our hotel shortly after.

"Wait, you want money you didn't earn?"

She was adamant about me owing her $100 in addition to the $400 we had paid her for doing psychic readings from 8pm-midnight since an un-named guest had asked her to stay until 1am, and threatened legal action if I did not mail her a check. To put this in perspective, we also tipped this lady $50 (I thought she did a great job). She gave a few guests that missed the last shuttle a ride back to the hotel ~12:15. This was a ~10 minute trip, and one of the guests gave her $20 to cover her gas. So total, she got ~$470 for maybe 4.5 hours of work. I bring this up to show that she wasn't paid poorly, and that we even gave her extra cash on top of what our contract agreed to. What's the world coming to when you can't trust a psychic?

I see... A lot of misspelled text messages from me in your phone until you pay me more money!

I've explained to her that she will not be getting any extra money since I (the person who signed her contract) did not ask her to stay an extra hour after the party ended for no reason. I also expressed that I hoped there were no hard feelings since we tipped her an extra $70.

Stephen King taught me that it's generally not a good call to piss off psychics.

I did this politely in case she was a psychopath who might stalk me outside of my house over an imagined $30.

My lawyer uncle said that her claim was laughable. He mentioned (sarcastically) that I had grounds to sue her for being a fraud, since she didn't see into the future that I wasn't going to pay her for no reason.

But how freaking stupid could you be! She keeps texting and calling and leaving voicemails and threatening to see me in court. All over $30 that she didn't earn (I'm calling it $30 since she got $70 in tips).

We had multiple friends that were excited about going to her for readings. They had appointments and would have paid $100 each. Not any more! Made sure very quickly to let them know what was happening with her harassment. By rudely demanding an unearned $100, she lost herself at least $500 in business, and pissed off our event planner, potentially blacklisting her from future events in Michigan. Not the smartest way to grow your business.

And this is absolutely the worst thing you can do. Lie to your clients. We do not owe her a dime, and she has completely undermined every good thing she ever did by lying and saying we do. Until the day I die, I will associate her with supreme scumbaggery and vociferate her flaws to anyone mentioning her name. All this over $30.

So next time you're thinking about harassing a client for extra unearned cash, don't. No reason to extort money via harassment, and turn your biggest fans into extremely vocal die-hard enemies.

Okay, rant over. Usually don't get angry about anything, but this psychotic psychic rubbed me the wrong way so thoroughly that I needed to vent my frustration out into the interwebs. Thanks for reading my therapy session and don't go to Laura if you need psychic stuff done!

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